Being Feminine or "Doing" Femininity
I often hear many questions and ideas around this topic: “I feel like a man, people tell me I’m like a man,” or “My feminine energy is so low, I don’t know what to do…”
I believe that whenever we perform any action in the name of feeling feminine or beautiful without consciously filling it with meaning and self-service, we actually estrange ourselves from our own femininity.
The capitalist structures that exist today to make women feel beautiful (or rather, to keep them wandering in an illusion of immortality) show how lost we are in this matter. Because the perception of power in women is based on staying young and beautiful, we often witness a senseless, vague tension between women. And, of course, there’s the madness of consumerism.
I’m not saying, “Don’t buy lipstick, don’t go for skincare, don’t buy a bra.” What I’m trying to clarify is the patriarchal—paradoxical—situation that arises when we link our femininity to these things. Buy, buy, buy… We are caught in a never-ending cycle, and instead of embracing the creative energy of the feminine, we turn beauty into a constant element of consumption.
“Self-worth” and “self-respect” are born from caring for ourselves. But what does this care mean? What does *self-care* truly mean to you? What do you love? What’s your favorite part of your body? How do you like to be touched in a way that makes you feel valued? What does beauty mean in the deepest corners of your consciousness? If you felt feminine, what would become easier in your life? Who told you or made you feel like you weren’t feminine? Is that thought truly yours? Or to simplify it further: Is feeling beautiful safe for you?
Without asking ourselves these questions, I observe that “doing” femininity in the way society imposes upon us has destructive effects. But when we create rituals for ourselves, practice touching our bodies from the inside and out, understand that we are the ones who build and validate our own self-worth, and listen to the knowledge that we are a unique part of a greater whole… When we listen… and respond to what we hear. Without pushing, without needing to prove anything—just as we are. A person who is true to themselves is, after all, erotic. We actually find our femininity in our authenticity. The magic of beauty lies in this diversity, in its naturalness.
(Also, the idea that we don’t always have to feel beautiful or feminine could be an entirely separate topic of discussion.)
Indeed, after exploring these questions, the taste of that lipstick we buy will be different; it becomes a color that decorates our smile, a playful companion we enjoy. When we know and live our feminine essence, we understand that all these material things can serve us, and we become convinced.
We realize that we don’t need to serve material things to be feminine, nor do we need the approval of others to validate our femininity.
We don’t need to “do” anything for this—there never was a need.
What exists has always existed and will continue to be.